For me, freedom from addiction means more than defining sobriety as my mental and physical efforts to resist cravings to keep from using. Labeling a different pattern of compulsive thinking and actions to stay sober does not cause addiction to go away. Freedom from addiction is the end of all repetitive thought patterns—even new patterns labeled as sobriety, which only gives rise to the duality of choice: addiction or sobriety—the mind’s deception to keep addiction alive must disappear, as well. The end of addiction can only happen when my mind stops thinking about choices to find temporary fulfillment. Whether in substance addiction or repetitive thoughts and actions to stay dry in my addiction to thinking about sobriety. This transcendence from the illusion of craving future addictive desires leads to the reality of present awareness and marks the end of relying on the past to change my thinking of how to stay sober in the future. It is awakening to the truth of heartfelt understanding of my feelings and emotions with loving attention—now. Only mindful awareness in the present moment, where addictive thought patterns can’t exist, ends the duality of choice and the struggle between addiction and sobriety.
Awareness happens when the suffering mind hits bottom, and thinking stops; the mind disappears. Awareness appears due to a total lack of self-love in the thought patterns of addiction, and it appears when suffering in sobriety. Awareness arises in the present moment (a.k.a. one day at a time) when the mind’s attention shifts solely onto itself to understand its true nature. Awareness of ‘I am’ is not the temporary objective mind, focused on future desires. ‘I am’ is the subjective eternal awareness of understanding the limitations of my mind with loving attention, which allows it and the duality of choice to disappear in the present moment. Being aware of being ‘I am’ is enough to deal with life—physically, mentally, and spiritually—without the ego mind and all its desires, always wanting to be more or different. Nothing else is needed!
My Higher Power and my awareness of it are the same: indivisible and always available Self-Love. When the mind is still, the duality of choice between addiction and sobriety disappears. In this meditative state, everything that is temporary vanishes. And, everything is temporary; even the Self—‘I am’ disappears, and only eternal Love remains.
VAB 10-30-24
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