It was through my suffering in addiction that I started to question and doubt the true significance and value of my thinking, which I now understand is based on my past experiences, the information I have stored, and the possessions I have collected—everything I know.
What I know is my identity, from attachments to previously unfulfilled experiences, temporary possessions, and desired beliefs, concepts, and ideals (illusions) that have created my separate ego, which craves and constantly thinks about self-preservation, a sense of certainty, security, and immortality. The ego, created by my past and isolated by comparison, is the source of all my fears of inadequacy, incomplete actions (psychological scars), unfulfillment, and, inevitably, death itself—of the ego-mind/body illusion.
I have created numerous habitual escapes (illusions of addiction) in my mind to avoid my present feelings—the reality of my Life—over and over again. These addictions to my thoughts and physical sensations are only temporary, but I use addictions to hide and cover up my never-changing, always-present Awareness—that never dies.
My true self-Awareness: observing the ego—my thinking—dissolves the past in the present moment, giving rise to natural intelligence and the genuine experience of what is my unique reality happening now. The present moment—Now—is the unknown, where the scars I collect in reality are creative originals! And, despite the pain, it is more fulfilling to collect original physical scars from living in the unknown of the ever-changing present moment of Life than to copy the psychological scars of suffering: repeating what I already know to be painful.
This share is the result of becoming aware of my ego—suffering in addiction. That Awareness dissolves my cravings to repeat the past, shredding the copies, to uncover my original true Self: my Awareness that removes the psychological scars of addiction in the present moment and it is always the present moment.
VAB 01-02-23
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