When it comes to battling addictions, we all struggle with the condemning realization that no matter our life accomplishments, we become demoralized by comparison, shamefully tagged by society as dysfunctional and dangerous, lacking self-control over our addictions.
The truth is that everyone lacks self-control, unaware that we are deceiving ourselves, living in the illusion that we can control Life. This is humanity’s core addiction. And no one’s self-ego (thinking), which is constructed from memories, has ever controlled anything that is really happening in the present moment. The self-ego—thinking—is an evolved trait of self-consciousness, the uniquely human ability to imprint the cause-and-effect relationships of life experiences into the grey matter of our brain, to remember, correlate, manage, and manipulate past events in our minds as a means of illusionary self-control for survival.
Neuroscience tells us that the human brain constantly generates and changes our thought patterns into our seventies. Neurogenesis (also known as neuroplasticity) refers to the brain’s ability to create and modify the structures and functional sequences of the billions of neurons firing in our brains throughout our lives. When our experiences are repeated, or impactful enough, the sequence of firing neurons becomes synchronized—wired—into patterns, used to generate physical movements, mental images, habits, emotions, and ethereal desires, all from memorized bio-electrochemical patterns (a.k.a. thoughts); but, thoughts, memories cannot control what Life is creating in the present moment.
My synchronized neuron patterns, which represent my thoughts, are a reaction to what is happening now, based on what I have already experienced and processed into memory. Thoughts are delayed, patterned reactions, and not the spontaneous, naturally thoughtless responses I rely on in physical, creative, and survival situations—to flow in harmonized movements, expressions of creativity, and loving trust with Life. I spend much of my life reacting to what Life is creating now with the same thought processes I have relied on without understanding the truth of the present moment. I project memorized cause-and-effect patterns, which I have been conditioned to see the world through, into the imaginary future as dreams to fulfill my desires or as nightmares of reliving or losing what I already know.
I can sabotage my life with my addiction to living in time, believing the illusion that my self-ego has the power to use programmed thought patterns to control the reality of creation happening now. My self-ego can only think about changing the past or influencing the future with what it already knows, constantly trying to control Life with the illusion of having the imaginary mental power of choice. The self-ego manipulates the past in my head, objectively trying to be something tangible that it remembers in its attempt to control Life in the uncontrollable, ever-present moment, which is the cause of mental suffering.
The only controlling power I possess is my Higher Power, the divine ability to awaken and be aware that “I am.” My true Self-identity is present moment awareness of “being one” with universal Consciousness. The selfless Love flowing through me, which is my earthly existence, constantly creates the sensory world that I perceive as “I am” now. My divine Higher Power is in harmony with the present moment, meaning I am aware of my connection with everything, manifesting as “I am” one with the world around me.
The ancient philosophical teaching “Thou art that” means “I am” the world I perceive. Everything is part of being connected in Consciousness; everything is subjective, without division or separation in the present moment. It is understood that my self-ego, “I am Vic B.,” constantly imagines its “objective self”—an illusion separated by space and time in my mind—as being something real, which always causes suffering because the ego can’t exist in the present moment. The stand-alone, subjective true Self, “I am,” can silently, without thought, be the effortless activity of observing my Self-consciousness flowing with the stream of Life, connected with “what is” arising now. It is the ever-present joy of knowing the truth: that I am one with the unified field of Life energy flowing through my conscious mind and body, and everything happening now, and it is always now, where the addicted self-ego, constantly seeking attachment to be real, cannot exist.
If I can overcome my addiction to living in the past by staying silently aware of my thinking, what my self-ego is trying to repeat, I can dissolve my cravings. Then, the illusions of my substance addictions and the need for self-control of the uncontrollable present moment will disappear!
Unfortunately, my sad truth is that it took me sixty years of substance addiction to uncover my Higher Power of ever-present, only subjective, true “Self-awareness.” What I find even more tragic is that many never wake up to understand that we are needlessly suffering in our human addiction to the past, the illusion of needing conditioned self-control to enjoy Life. If I can stay aware, I can end my suffering from living a reactionary life and start joyfully living with Life as reality falls into place–Now!
VAB 02-17-25
©2024 stillawakening.com All Rights Reserved
